I must be CrAzY!
Has it ever happened to you where you are seeking an answer from Heavenly Father (or the Divine Deity that you give thanks to) regarding your life and the path that you should take? And when you receive an answer, you take a moment to reflect on it and then shake your head and think to yourself, “You have GOT to be kidding…right?”. There are times in my life where I am of the opinion that He has a terrific sense of humor and I’m being “Punk’d”!
Recently, I had the opportunity to travel to the greater Phoenix area and visit some old friends and I made some wonderful new ones. I had a great time socializing and ate some great food at Los Taquitos (might I recommend the fish tacos? They are small so order at least 2 or more!!) and at Thee Pitts Again (the pulled pork was so very tender and as Guy Fieri would say: The sauce is killer!). I did a little sight seeing, but not as much as I would have liked. I guess next time I go I will have to make ‘dates’ with my friends to do stuff!
I also spent quite a bit of time in the Mesa Arizona temple, or on the grounds if it was closed. I love spending time there…the landscaping is so beautiful and well taken care of. Such lovely surroundings make it easier for me to collect my thoughts to organize them better. During my visit there I was torn about things that were happening in my life and I was very much confused. I did a lot of deliberating regarding which choices my Father desires me to make. I felt there were a lot of obstacles in my way and any option I took would have consequences, some of which would just be too difficult for me to handle, or I felt I was not strong enough to follow through with. Why couldn’t my life just stay the way it was without all these bumps? Why couldn’t I just stay where I was and have peace and happiness? Through my tears and my broken heart over the decisions I was faced with, I came across in the book of Alma, chapter 37:
36. Yea, and cry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy doings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goes let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy thoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.
37. Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good; yea, when thou liest down at night lie down unto the Lord, that he may watch over you in your sleep; and when thou risest in the morning let thy heart be full of thanks unto God; and if ye do these things you shall be lifted up at the last day.
Counsel with the Lord (check) and He will direct me…umm…I knew what it was that Heavenly Father was trying to tell me to do. My problem was that it was too hard, it was too much work, it would take too much time, and most importantly, it would take all my strength. I didn’t know if I could do it. As I fell asleep that night, I knew what I needed to do. I woke in the morning and went to the temple to get clarification and confirmation…to know that I wasn’t just going out of my mind and needed to commit myself as soon as I got home. When I was sitting quietly and talking to my Father, I told Him the decision that I had made, as well as all of the things that I would do to make sure I accomplished the end result and I asked Him if it was the right choice. For the first time in two days, I had a sense of peace and calm and joy come over my mind. I KNEW that what I had chosen to do was pleasing to Him and that He would be with me every step of the way. I know with a certainty that by moving forward I will be able to progress spiritually and in life as a whole, and blessed for my efforts. I know I will be able to accomplish things that I never thought I had the strength to do, because He will be leading me…I am not alone. I know it’s not going to be easy…no one ever said that life was…but it will most definately be worth it. I will be fulfilling one of the commandments that I was given in my Patriarchal Blessing: “Your obligation is to live life in its fullest, to rejoice in the blessings of life, to be happy, to move forward and realize that your life is part of the great plan of our Heavenly Father.”
I am incredibly humbled at the level of understanding and support I have received from friends, other members and from my Branch President when I have told them of my decisions. If at the very least, this journey will help me “refine the spiritual nature that is part of (my) being”, enable me to grow even closer to my Father and to my children, satisfy my curiosities (and theirs) and be filled with many adventures. And when it is all said and done, I hope to be on my way to the highest place one can ever hope to dwell.